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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner