Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.