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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.