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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.