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I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.