Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Insert coin to view my status message.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.