Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.