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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor