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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
With great power comes great electricity bill.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.