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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store