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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.