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The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.