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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.