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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.