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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team