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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.