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My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.