Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.