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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?