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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.