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You make me want to be a drunker person
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.