Daily Silly Status

Your family tree has a couple of coconuts

Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!

My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.

My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.

I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.

Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.

You don’t look like 200 likes in person.

If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.

They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!

For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka

You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.

my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!

I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.

I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..

I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.