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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.