Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.