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FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."