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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.