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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.