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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.