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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.