Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"