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My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
word of the day: nincomtard
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.