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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
This status has been censored by Facebook
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
Smelling another person should be a choice.