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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I always advise people never to give advice.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.