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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.