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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.