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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Tieam... problem solved