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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.