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Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.