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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.