Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?