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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC