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Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.