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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
My therapist just offered me my money back.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.