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Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
is in no shape to exercise
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)