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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
I am the bestest at the English language...
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.