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I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.