Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."