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My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome