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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Jesus is coming.... look busy
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.