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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.