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I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you