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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.