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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......