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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M