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This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
It should really be called teethpaste.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.