Daily Silly Status

The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.

I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.

Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.

My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.

Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...

When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.

Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.

I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.

I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................

Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.

I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)

I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.