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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
My favorite beer is an open one.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.