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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
I had your cake and ate it too.