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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.