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I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.