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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
You make me want to be a drunker person
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!