Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.